Miss you Champ

Pic Credit: Suhruda Karekar

28 April 2014

She sniffed the big card board box which doubled up as home for her infant pups. The box was empty,I can sense an emptiness in her eyes too and a mother's grief getting heavier with every passing moment. She left a deep breath,shook her head and those big ears and walked to me with small steps. She locked her eye with mine as if she wants to know something, she licked my palm perhaps to patronize me for the answer. Wish I had one,I hugged her and with moist eyes I stared into the infinity. I decided to write last few days for me, for RANU , for the grief of a mother... In hope that sharing this with you will help me in lightning the sobbing emotions in me and may be your prayers help Ranu to bear this.






One fortnight before


Having a pet at home is not easy. You have to run after them to protect them just like your child. But Ranu is an exception she is very adorable pet and very sensitive too except when you try to give her a bath. She will run in whole house ,throwing her hairs on carpet and you have to run after her to catch her. It take hours to give her weekly bath. Looks like she hate bathing ritual as much I do. Ranu and me share a very good friendship. She can magically sense my mood when everyone else fail to gauze that. She play with me when I am happy ,just sit at my feet's when I write something or just start barking as a signal to take her on a walk. She is more a family member than a pet.

On that day she was admitted to hospital .She was pregnant and about to bring some new 'life' to our world. I don't think any sane people in senses can discriminate the value of life on the basis of the species. Isn't a life is just a life, isn't life is a chance to explore the world like we do,a chance to play like we do, a chance to be loved and a chance to love . I was very much excited to welcome Ranu along with her Pups. Then the first bad news broke out. Doctor said she gave birth to 4 pups but one is inside and another one got stuck in uterus . She need suegery to get those two out. I was scared ,I repeated a silent prayer which I often do. my grandma taught me that to bear the pain of injection as I was very scared of injection. But there is no other way ,Ranu had to bear not only injection but a whole surgery. I repeated the prayer again.

After 3 hours the pups who was stuck died and another one died due to suffocation. I saw Ranu lying still on operation table and a blue swelled pup who has left this beautiful world along with his brother even before opening the eyes,even before the first glimpse. I was unable to hold my tears. Ranu had to go through such a painful surgery and all this but she was not able to save them. I don't know what she was feeling at that time but her blank eyes towards two dead pups were hard to forgot. She licked them perhaps in hope that she could bring them back. But soon she realized there was nothing more that can b done. She turned her face to opposite wall, locked her eyes with mine for half a minute and then shut them as if she was tired and just wanted to rest. We held those dead infants and walked outside room but Ranu has not opened eyes again to bid farewell.

We came back home with four infant puppies and their mom Ranu . Now all we had to do was to watch them growing up and make us all tired by their non stop mischievous plays. But destiny has some other plan almost mocking the mortal human thinking.

The memory of that rain is still haunting me. April rain was something surprising. The chilliness in air has suddenly transformed the whole weather. Pups were enjoying their beauty sleep in their new home. But this sudden change in weather haven't gone well with them. Mom was trying to feed one pup milk when 'she' bid adieu to the world right in her hand. Suddenly two more pups went unconscious. I got panicked ,it was late in night . We put an electric bulb in their home to keep them warm and called the doctor but he couldn't come as he was attending his 'important' family function. Unknowingly some cuss words came out of me for the doc. What is more important than the life of these infants. I woke up whole night just to watch them and praying for improvement in their health. Few hour later they drank milk and I thought the dark hour has passed but destiny has again mocked me. Two infants died next morning . Ranu came and smell them and then again turned her head in another direction as if she want to protest against destiny but as a mother she has lost two child and this is not easy for her. Doctor came next day and told there is some virus infection and perhaps the last one will also not survive. I became very sad but I am sure Ranu was more sad after all she was the mother. She became very protective for the last infant. She sat all time around him and denied permission to touch him. She can't let me touch that. She has taken this fight from the front now.


Few hours before


I just wanted a second with him .I asked my mom to give me a moment .I touched his tiny head and smelled him.I always liked his puppy smell. Run my fingers over his soft furry back,Rubbed it."wake up champ,please get up" Just in case he could listen to me .Sometimes miracles happen and I badly need one that time .I repeated the silent prayer many time in my head.He was my pup, Miraculous one.Because he was brave.He struggled for 4 days after his brothers and sisters left him to live in this world all alone .He was just 12 days old pup.. Didn't even opened his eyes.But God that little creature surely was trying to do his best,was trying to survive,was trying to see this beautiful world.But destiny has now habit of mocking and perhaps didn't notice his efforts. Destiny took him away anyways.The little one has started his final journey . He left us with memory and tears. I can't dare to imagine the pain he suffered in his fight but he left silently without waking up anyone ,perhaps with the first ray of sun. Yes that much sweet he was.

RIP 'angels' and may Almighty give strength to Ranu.

Note to self

Mysteries always fascinate human mind. In a rough sentence the human evolution can be summed as the journey to solve the mysteries; curiosity to know the unknown. But no challenge can become a dare if you don't have a hurdle; a difficulty factor. In my opinion in the journey of life this factor is TIME.

Sometimes we successfully quench the curiosity of our mind but we loose so much time that at the final lap we stand alone ;no clap; no cheer and that moment give you reality check. You are a winner who has lost. And at the final lap I have lost the appetite for win. To start making sense than writing more gibberish,  this blog post is a note to self for last one year.

At the age of 25,you don't have much to do in life than to establish your identity. You live thousand miles away from the place where you spend your childhood to shelter  place for last leg of mortal journey. Pressure of dream simply ruin your dream or perhaps we complicate the dream. I was no different.

 Last year and to be exact at the end of March I was second time labelled as average in my job appraisal cycle. Though for many person appraisal is just not a verdict but for a mind which was evolved in between of a race of grades ,that was like the annual exam result. I was nobody in my office. I was looking towards ground and sky to console myself. I wanted to be praised to be recognized and that was the moment when you have to decide you want to raise the bar or quit the game because being average you are at the same distance of both levels just the difficulty level is different. I decided to prove myself, push myself and to go outside my comfort zone.

When you try to run there are chances of getting slipped but you can win if only you continue the run. I slipped and thought to quit but some cosmic conspiracy pushed me back on my feet . I became somebody from nobody in Offc. The feeling was priceless but I paid a price that I wasn't ready for. I lost time of one year to enjoy outside this mad rush. One year all i did was work and nothing else. I am tired and I don't want to run further and I don't want to win. I want to sit and enjoy the scenery I left in that mad race.

I can't change the past but I can shape the future. Don't know this time my direction is right or not but I have chosen a new one and I am happy.

Time for CHANGE OF GUARD

यार

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एक अरसा हुआ तुमसे बाते किये हुए 

वो चाय की टपरी पे 2 कश साझा किये हुए 

एक मुद्दत से हमने ये भी नही पुछा की 

"तेरी वाली " कैसी है 

याद करने बैठूं तो कभी कभी यकीन नही आता 

की ये मेरा ही गुज़रा हुआ कल है 

कुछ numbers खो गए थे मुझसे जब phone root किया था 

इंतज़ार है की FB से sync होकर कब मिलेंगे 

वैसे साले तूने भी तो तो शादी का event invite ही भेजा था 

और मुझसे बोलता है की मै बदल गया हूँ 

deadlines की दुनिया मे life कुछ dead ही हो गयी है 

कभी मिलो तो उन्ही disposal मे बर्फ के साथ गम गलाते है 

साथ मे तुम्हारी मूंग दाल भुजिया भी माँगा लेंगे 

उसके बिना तुम्हे चढ़ती भी तो नही है 

भुला नही हूँ तुम्हे बस दुनिया की भाग दौड़ मे 

कही पीछे न छूट जाऊ इस लिए ठेहर कर बात नही कर पाता 

बस इस lap के बाद मेरा इंतज़ार करना 

हम फिर से चाय की चुस्कियों के साथ बाते करेंगे 

-- प्रियदर्शी 

कशमकश

@Nagon Beach ,Mumbai

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अजब गजब सी है ये ज़िन्दगी की बही 

इसमें सपनो की बढती उधारी कही 

तो कही रिश्तो पे है चढ़ता practicality का सूद 

और इन सब के बीच में कही सुबकता सा मै 

कही जुड़ता सा मैं ,कही बिखरता सा मै 

कही मुस्कराता सा मैं और कही रोता सा मैं 

मै को तलाशता मैं 

मै मे ही कही खोता सा मैं 

कुछ चेहरों को हर चेहरे में तलाशता सा मै 

फटी जेब में अपनों की रेजगारी सम्हालता मै 

उलझे धागों को सुलझाता सा मै 

थोडा अकेला सा थोडा तन्हा  सा मै 

कशमकश है ये ज़िन्दगी यूँ तो 

इन कसमकशो को ज़िन्दगी की बही मे समेटता मै

-- प्रियदर्शी 

बडबड

गुज़रे महीनो मे कई दफा सोचा की कुछ लिखता हूँ 
पर सच कहूं तो ये सोच कर नही लिखा की 
इस बडबड को क्या नाम दूंगा दूंगा 
और इतेफाक देखिये आज लिखा भी तो क्या बडबड है 

ख़ुशी मेरे अल्फाजों मे  बयान नही होती 
मेरा ताल्लुक तो हमेशा गम और आंसुओं को जुबान देने से रहा है 
और दुःख कोई ऐसा महसूश नही होता अब 
सच ही है MACHINES को कुछ महसूस ही कहा होता है 

कुछ चूका हुआ सा महसूस करता हूँ आजकल 
कुछ खोया खोया खोया, थोडा सा बेसुध भी 
जैसे ज़िन्दगी के पहाड़े भूल गया हूँ और 
बस घुटी घटी सी धुन याद है उनकी 

जब कोई सवालात करता है 
5 एकुम 5 ,5 दूनी दस और उसके बाद 
बस एक रटी  रटाई धुन में शुरू हो जाता हूँ 
कई मरतबा तो ये नही समझ आता की 
धोखा  खुद को दे रहा हूँ या उससे जिसने सवाल किया था 


सोचा था की जब खुद के पैसे होंगे तो बहुत ऐश करूँगा 
सारे सपने पूरे करूँगा अपने 
कमबख्त इस नौकरी मे  तो सोने का भी वक़्त नही मिलता 
सपने तो छोडो , जरूरते भी आजकल पूरी नही होती 


कभी कभी लगता है की अँधेरी सुरंग मे दौड़ रहा हूँ 
वापस जा नही सकता क्योकि जिससे भागना शुरू किया था 
वो डर वो हौवा अभी भी वही होगा 
और आगे तो खैर अँधेरा ही हैं 
अब तो पाँव भी दुखने लगे है 

TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN

   

I have no right or interest in preaching you and neither am I a regular blogger but I think everyone has some moments in their life which change their thinking and rest of life. GANDHI saw play of HARISH-CHANDRA and he learnt the importance of truth and I can quote many more but that is not my focus in this blog. I am not a wonderful wizard with words but I have witnessed my moment of truth few weeks ago and I am writing this in very small hope that this blog can also be moment of truth TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.

   What happened in DELHI on 16th December with that BRAVE-HEART has shaken me deep inside. Though that was not the first one in our society and sadly not the last one either but I have never heard of brutality like this. What make me sadder is that happened in the capital of UNION REPUBLIC OF INDIA, and not in a tribal corner of country. Yet we are helpless in stopping this shame? This shame is happening with each passing moment, somewhere in this society but I am not able to stop this… we are not able to stop this. Political class has failed us, but I am sure that next election will again be fought on basis of caste, religion and region and believe me this thought makes me sick. What is wrong with us?

   For people who are ready to tell me that blogging will not help and get my ass moving and join civil services or politics to make this country a better one, let me clarify that I am not a bright scholar and to be honest I am sure I will not qualify the exam for a police constable, because to know the name of vice president of country I have to Google it and do you really think joining politics is still common man’s thing. Sorry to differ but you are living in past. But does this really make me a useless citizen of this country??? If making this country a better place means politics or government job, then what is the use of others classes of society like me who work in shifts for 12-15 hours to repay their education or home loan and trying to invest rest for their family..Are we villains in the story of country’s development?

  To sooth my soul and perhaps stand outside a section of social networking generation I went to a protest and lit candles for that brave-heart girl but believe me what I saw there is not making me feel good. Politicians ready to politicize this for some votes and media crew hungry for a clipping that along with some sad violin music makes them a TRP gainer. I was not there to post pictures on facebook or twitter but to let the authorities know that system has failed us and it’s time to audit current system but nothing happened and I felt more helpless than ever in my life. Political class is not ready to hear us and they think of themselves as rulers of country, not the leaders of a democracy. So what can we do to stop this shame???

  

  Perhaps the best thing we can do is look deep inside our self and remember that we all have monsters inside and an angel also, just try to tame the monster  next time when we go out in society, don’t try to make 'most' of a crowded bus or train. Just try to save this society by remembering that BRAVE HEART in every girl...

  Sad to see so many people interested in knowing the true identity of BRAVE-HEART of Delhi, let her be an anonymous face, so that no one starts a trust on her name or market her death as a brand... let her be anonymous, so that we remember her face in every girl of our society and try to stop this shame of society, remember she was an ordinary girl with simple dreams, don’t idolize her or make a heroine out of her to hide the impotency of ours.. We lost the right to call her our sister or daughter or even friend that very day when we failed to protect her in our society so please don’t try to appease your ego. Please let her be an anonymous face which reminds us of our failure...

RIP BRAVE-HEART